Why are we still together?

You have been together for a long time, you had better and worse moments, but you are still together ... At times, you start to wonder if it's love or habit? Stability or routine? If love, what does it really mean.

According to scientists, love consists of passion, intimacy and commitment. Each of them, depending on the stage of the relationship, is characterized by a different dynamics.

In the early stages, passion prevails. It is then that you feel butterflies in the stomach, and the eyes appear flip-flops, which do not allow us to see possible defects of the partner, everything seems simple and in pink colors.

If you go through this stage, intimacy or intimacy appears. It's all positive feelings and activities that increase partners' attachment. It consists of: the desire to care for the good of the partner, experiencing happiness in the presence of the partner and because of it, respect for the partner, the belief that it can be counted on in need, mutual understanding, sharing of experiences and spiritual and material goods, giving and receiving emotional support, exchange of intimate information, considering your partner an important element of your own life. At the beginning of love, intimacy is low, it grows gradually with the duration of the relationship and falls even slower after reaching its maximum.

The next phase is commitment. This is a conscious decision about whether we want to keep our relationship and whether it is satisfying for us. Strong commitment can be a factor that effectively sustains a given relationship. In couples who are content with their relationship, engagement is usually the strongest component that supports the feeling of love in a given relationship.

According to Sternberg, one of the researchers dealing with the subject of love, there are seven forms of love:

• liking: intimacy, but without engagement or passion.
• infatuation: passion without commitment or intimacy.
• empty love: engagement without passion or intimacy.
• romantic love: intimacy and passion, but without commitment.
• unreasonable love: commitment and passion, but without intimacy.
• partner love: commitment and intimacy, but without passion.
• perfect love: commitment, intimacy and passion.

It is sometimes worth stopping for a moment in the daily chase and thinking about what stage is our relationship with the partner, which components of love dominate with us. A few basic questions can help us.

Do you feel safe?

Answer the question if you feel that you can count on your partner regardless of the situation? Do you have the courage to ask for help? Contrary to appearances, the ability to ask for help is as important as giving it. If we ask your partner for help, we give him the same signal that he is important to us, that we count on his opinion and believe in him that he is able to help us. This is a very important skill helping to build a real, deep relationship.

The sense of security is also the awareness that the partner will always listen to us, that our problems will be as important to him as for us. We believe that we can tell him everything and if not even the partner can understand us, he will listen to us and with full commitment and acceptance will try to make us feel better.

Do you laugh together?

A similar sense of humor is an invaluable treasure. If you enjoy the same things, you like the same jokes, make the same movies laugh, it means that you have a good basis for a successful relationship. Psychologists point out that common partner laughter and play often work better than many treatments.

Take care, therefore, that in your relationship there should be as many situations as possible that will make you smile on your face.

Can you be together and separately?

Answer the question if you prefer spending time together or separately? What do you like to do together? In all things moderation is indicated, so both the situation when you spend each moment together and this when you realize that you prefer to do something away from your partner is an unhealthy symptom.

Take care that there are things in your relationship that are only "yours", something that you do together, but do not forget that everyone has the right to independence. The fact that you are in a relationship does not immediately mean that you become a symbiotic unity. An important factor in a successful relationship is the right to maintain the partner's individuality.

Do not give up your interests, cultivate your own hobby and give your partner the right to do so. By realizing ourselves, we are satisfied and we can come back with new energy to our partner.

Do you show respect for yourself?

Do you know the lining, you know your weaknesses, and yet you will not use it in verbal clashes, in moments of weakness?

In a mature relationship, you are aware of the defects of yourself and your partner, and at the same time a sense of security that the other half will never use against us. If we know the sensitive points of our partner and are able to support him in the fight against them or accept his faults, we demonstrate our commitment to the relationship.

Can you imagine life separately?

Try to imagine that from tomorrow there is no other half. How do you feel about it? Can you imagine that there is another toothbrush in the bathroom and the pillow has a different smell?

Think about what is so important in the other person, what would you miss most, or maybe you would be relieved?

Are you ready to be together for good and for bad?

If in the previous question you realized that it is difficult for you to imagine someone else by your side now you will have an even more difficult task. Imagine that something terrible happened, for example, a partner lost his job, lost a lot of money, etc. How do you feel about it? How do you perceive a partner in your vision? Do you still want to be with him, are you looking for a solution to the situation?

Imagine that it is even worse. The partner has an accident, suffers from a serious illness and needs to be looked after. Do you still look at him with love? Do you imagine someone else in your life? How do you feel in this situation?

If thanks to these visualizations you realize that you are important to yourself and you cannot imagine life without yourself, and the routine of life, you can perceive in terms of security and stability is a sign that your relationship is on the way to mature love ...